You’re never going to be able to be alone with a guy and not second guess every move he makes.
“Is he going to stop if I say no? Should I leave? Should I text someone and tell them where I am?”
You’re never going to be able to be alone in a room with your boss without wondering if you’re stupid for putting yourself in this position.
“Should I have left the door open? What do I do if he tries something? Should I button up my blouse more?”
You’re never going to stop wondering if someone’s going to slip something in your drink when you’re out with your friends.
“Is that guy staring at me? I’ve only had one drink but I feel buzzed. Have I already been drugged? Where’s the nearest exit?”
You’re never going to feel safe, even when you’re at a family reunion. Your uncle walks in and you’re the only two in the kitchen.
“Is he looking at me? Is my skirt too short? God, I should have wore pants.”
But it’s the middle of the summer and you try to tell yourself you’re being irrational. You’re letting your past get in the way of your life again.
This is how everyday life feels when you’ve been sexually assaulted. You second guess EVERY move you make. You start to assume everyone is a potential predator.
You start to push people away because you know it’s better to be alone. It’s safer that way. You can stay home with your dogs and watch tv. You go to your third shift job that you got so you don’t have to work with anyone else. You’re safer alone.
At least that’s what you’ve taught yourself since your stepdad molested you.
akutka35 